Boys Being Boys
by LadyCamille72
Summary: Ronon, Sheppard, and McKay bond over a somewhat raunchy conversation. Implied Sheppard/Teyla and Ronon/Keller


A/N: Just the guys being guys. Enjoy!

* * *

They'd christened the planet "New Eden." Zelenka had actually found the notation deep in what amounted to an Ancient junk drawer of a database: a planet that wasn't listed on any existing star chart they could find, Ancient, Wraith, or otherwise. After Rodney had bustled in and taken over, he'd discovered that the place had been a sanctuary of sorts for the Ancients to contemplate their nature, ascension, navel lint, whatever, hence them keeping it a secret. And after a week on the planet exploring, it seemed there really was no serpent in the garden.

To that end, Sheppard's team was on a rare, extended session of babysitting duty. Three different research teams were crawling over the planet to their heart's content while the so-called security detail was bored to tears.

"I want to shoot something," Ronon muttered, sitting on a rock and glaring at the fruit tree that draped placidly above him.

John grunted from his sprawl on the grass near the team's tents. "Oh, it's not that bad. Could be worse."

Ronon slumped into a full-body sulk. "How?"

"Huh." Sheppard seemed to have to think about that for a minute. "You could a Wraith queen's boy toy."

"Don't have a clue what that is, but it sounds more interesting than sitting here watching the damn grass grow."

John rolled his eyes. "Go for a run or something. Maybe you'll fall in a hole and almost starve to death or bleed to death or something before we find you. That should keep you entertained."

"You're a funny man, Sheppard," Ronon muttered, reaching up to pick a round lavender fruit off the tree above his head. He flung it half-hearted at his friend and grunted as the throw went wide, shooting through a screen of bushes.

"I didn't look! I swear I didn't look!" McKay stumbled from the foliage, looking panicked. "As soon as I saw the clothes, I turned right --" He stopped and frowned. "The girls aren't here?"

Sheppard sat up and looked at him warily. "Teyla and Jennifer? No. They wandered off awhile ago. Why?"

Rodney sagged against a tree trunk, looking like a man who'd just gotten a stay of execution. "Thank god." He breathed deeply, then frowned. "Who threw that thing at me then?"

Ronon lazily held up a hand. "Actually threw it at Sheppard, but you'll do."

"Thanks," Rodney drawled sarcastically.

"Wait a minute." Sheppard got to his feet. "Rodney, what's going on? What did you do to the girls to make them want to throw things at you?"

Ronon looked more intrigued than he had in days, stepping up next to Sheppard, his arms crossed over his chest. "Must've been pretty bad. He said something about clothes on the ground, too."

"Rodney ..." John's voice held a familiar warning.

McKay looked to each side nervously, like a rat caught in a trap. "It wasn't my fault, though. I didn't know they were ..." He glanced around again. ".. naked."

Two jaws dropped simultaneously.

"Teyla?" Sheppard demanded.

"Jen?" Ronon growled.

"Who else would I be talking about?" McKay asked incredulously. "It sure wasn't Dr. Perman from the botany team." He shuddered. "I think she shaves more often than I do."

"That's ... kind of hot," John said slowly.

Ronon snorted. "Kind of? You sure you're straight?"

Rodney appeared confused. "You think Dr. Perman shaving is hot?"

Sheppard stepped over and slapped him in the back of the head. "No, stupid. Teyla and Jennifer. You know, naked. Together."

Comprehension quickly appeared in Rodney's eyes. "Oh. Yes. Yes. Very, very hot." He smiled happily at some unknown mental picture, then jumped as if he'd just remembered something. "Oh, but they weren't ... you know, like ithat./I"

"They weren't?" John looked a bit more than mildly disappointed.

"And here I thought things were just getting interesting," Ronon sighed.

Rodney looked confused again. "You mean the two of you want the two of them to ..."

Ronon glanced at Sheppard. "He's never had sex, has he?"

McKay bristled. "Yes I've had sex!"

Sheppard smirked. "He means with someone else, Rodney."

"I ... I inever/i --" McKay sputtered.

The other two men just looked at him.

McKay's shoulders drooped a bit. "Well, okay, maybe sometimes, but not --"

John started to laugh and stepped over to clap a hand on Rodney's shoulder. "Take it easy, buddy. We're just jerking your chain. No pun intended."

Ronon's guffaw boomed in the clearing. McKay just rolled his eyes in irritation.

"Seriously though, are you telling me you've never had a little girl-on-girl fantasy?" Ronon asked, looking amused and disbelieving at the same time.

"Maybe ... one or two," Rodney admitted without making eye contact.

"A day," Sheppard added with a smirk. "All the porn on your computer is lesbian porn, Rodney. Give it up."

Ronon howled again.

Rodney's eyes widened in shock. "How'd you know about ..."

John shrugged with a lazy grin. "I know your password."

"You can't know my password. I change it every three days."

"I know."

Ronon interrupted the back and forth. "Not that you guys arguing about passwords isn't interesting, but I'd kind of rather know what Teyla and Jen were doing naked if they weren't ... you know." He winked at McKay.

Rodney blushed. "They're swimming," he muttered.

"Oh, that's all?" Sheppard looked disappointed.

"No, but the water, it's absolutely clear," Rodney quickly added eagerly. "I mean, you can see ieverything/I--"

"Thought you said you didn't look," Ronon pointed out.

"Um... well, maybe I just looked a little. By accident."

Sheppard scowled. "You looked at Teyla naked?"

Ronon was shoulder to shoulder with him. "You looked at Jen naked?"

Rodney shrank back a bit. "Not on purpose," he started frantically, then stopped and stared when his friends looked at each other and started to laugh.

"Calm down, Rodney. We're just messing with you."

"You are unadulterated evil," McKay groused.

Ronon threw an arm around the scientist's shoulders. "Hey, you had to pay at least a little price for seeing our women naked."

"Good point," Sheppard agreed, glancing towards the bushes thoughtfully. "So, Rodney, where exactly was this great vantage point you found?"

Ronon grinned widely. "I think this trip just got a whole lot more interesting."


End file.
